see through me

A bit of my thoughts about life in general and things that keep it worth living...

29.3.05

Nuit blanche...

I can’t sleep.

You know how annoying is insomnia. It always hits you when you expect the least, when you’re at the peak of your fatigue, when all you desire is a long dreamless sleep… when you don’t want to think about anything in your life.

But no, it ambushes you just like that.

Some say that maybe I have too much thoughts in my mind, some say that my sleeping habit is shifting once again. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me.

I am quite familiar with insomnia. I had a long friendship with it. It was a love-hate relationship, because sometimes you’ll have to agree that it helps you when you have to meet a deadline or something. But recently, it disturbs me quite a bit.

When you can’t sleep, you do everything to try to close your eyes. The list goes on from drinking milk, watching TV, reading a book to pleasuring yourself. Yes, masturbation is one of the best remedy – I’m sure 90% of you guys will get a good laugh reading this. Sans shame I admit I do all of the above, but niet… me no win.

So I start to think about all that happened or would happen in my life, you know, sort of self-analysis, being a cheap shrink for self.

And I was surprised.

My life had taken many different turns these last months. So many things did happen to me, so many unexpected crossroads that I’ve taken, so many people that I met… and after all these times, so many things I didn’t even give thoughts about.

After those thoughts hit me, my inability to sleep actually helped me to ponder a thing or two. I was able to sort out my problems – and God knows I have few of them –, I was rearranging my thoughts back in their proper place. Sounds bizarre, but eventually, I am quite grateful that this old friend of mine came back. It helped me to discover certain buried things.

The French have a name for a sleepless night, Nuit Blanche, which stands for White Night. I think they’ve got it right, because in that very moment, few things could become clearer…

Because in the darkest night, the most insignificant light becomes your guiding lighthouse.

Until then, sleep tight.

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