see through me

A bit of my thoughts about life in general and things that keep it worth living...


Oh really...

Already the third week of Ramadhan.

Or is it fourth, I don't know. I really lost count.

I had a particular habit of counting down Ramadhan, and I would put it in my Y!M status. But this year I really lost count after the fifth or the sixth day. Blame it in my work. As usual.

But really, why did clients have to push my patience to the limit? Did I do something in your past life, maybe I stepped on you when you were just a cockroach or slept with your wife while you were inventing wheel? No really... tell me...


But I didn't really want to talk about it, it's a cliched situation and well, sometimes you'll just have to take it for granted.


This Ramadhan, I picked a new habit to hang out with some friend in a poolside cafe in Taman Rasuna. We would talk about everything and nothing, but mostly about advertising and sex. Sometimes we tossed in things about life, religion, films and sex. One of those merry nights, we talked about the Ramadhan itself.

We were chatting around 2 AM and suddenly, as usual, we heard a big brouhaha of noise. It yelled, it yaped, it screamed... It was supposed to wake up everyone in the 5 km radius.

It was loud, mind you.

And that brought something in my distorted mind.

What were they trying to do?

Ramadhan is kinda something of a personal challenge. It's up to you whether you want to do it, or to put it boldly, whether you're able to do it or not. It's how you measure you will and yourself. It's you, without somebody else's help.

Of course this would only apply if you're above 10 years old.

But I digress...

And how come restaurants put curtains on windows? Afraid that those who fast would be mad at them for not being respectful?

And why would I be mad? I know that not everyone is fasting.

Because if you have other people to "help" you , for me it's a sign of weakness.

And weak I don't want to be.

Enough rants. I have to go back to my client. I'm sure he would make us do some unnecessary revisions, just to make our live a bit more miserable.

That's ok... I buggered your wife while you were jousting in the King's Court.


A helluva ride...

Yeah... it has been...

One year. One that changed my life. It all began with a simple sentence One stain leads to another.

I guess it's how life goes. A thing that leads to another.

Like an avalanche.

And it was a very good year for me. It offered a new beginning for me. In one way and another.

But still I would not forget those who brought me up to this point.

Some are dead, and some are living.

many of those people were my inspiration. My ideal.

But few of them taught me the single most important thing in life.

Being myself.

And for all those people who grabbed my hand and showed me the way...

... thank you.

This looks like an award acceptance speech...

Well, it IS actually...

for an award called life.


Fasting and Trying Not To Be Furious...

This is the day when my mail is full of all those pre-Ramadhan emails. Apologize. Be pure. Bla bla and bla.

Somehow I decided not to send that kind of letter (moot point: are emails letters?).

Because I feel that the only person that I should be apologizing doesn't need to be emailed to.

I have to apologize to myself first.

At peace with self.

All the struggles within.

And all the mistakes I did to myself.

It's not being selfish, mind you. It's about retrospection. Introspection.

Because how could I be able to forgive others, if I wasn't able to forgive myself.

Cleansing our body and soul. That's the spirit of the Ramadhan.

It's always easy to forgive.

Starting with self.

Nevertheless, for all of you who celebrate it, be good.
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