see through me

A bit of my thoughts about life in general and things that keep it worth living...



It's been raining these past few days.

I love rain. The droplets hitting your window, the cold breeze caressing your senses, the freshly cleaned air, the smell of water surrounding me, the dark landscape, the clouds dancing above you, the knocking beats you hear... I love spending a rainy afternoon with a good book to travel in, a very dark coffee for bright ideas and a couch to lay on.

I remember when I was a little kid, it was raining hard outside. I was playing with my toys and I think I was making a war scene with those little toy soldiers, and I was in a middle of a crucial battle. My mother came in my room and said... "take off your shirt and go outside."

I was like, huh?

Of course being a good son, I did what she told me to do. And the experience was... I don't even have words to describe it.

I was dancing in the rain, I was running around, chasing every single droplet. I was ecstatic. Funny how easily amused I was... I was outside until the sky cleared up, I was amazed to see the world in that particular angle; the one you could not see clearly, blurred by the rain. I was really happy.

Nowadays, everytime it rains, I always remember that moment. Yes, it was the only time I did that purposedly. Well, if I tried to do that now, I know that I would get sick the day after *hey, I got a lot of work, and it certainly takes my energy*.

Somehow, I would love to dance in the rain again... preferably sans clothes.

But I would definitely get arrested and be charged of obscenity.

I'll plead insanity.


Cinematic experience...

I am afraid of going to movies.


I was afraid of going to movies.

I still recall the very first time my mother took me to a movie theater. We were supposed to see Batman (the old one, you know, with KAPPOW and BANG during the fight scenes). I was excited. But when we arrived to the theater, she told me that we were going to watch Zorro instead. Well, I was a bit dissapointed, but glad nonetheless, because Zorro was cool as well.

So here I was, smile upon my face, as the hall went dark and the screen went bright. Then the horror began. Literally.

They were showing a trailer of an upcoming horror B-movie. I was around five years old and I wasn't prepared to see a headless body, a walking amputated palm, a ghostly faced man with his arm hanging sans said palm and a screaming lady with her eyes wide open.

The place was becoming terrifying. I held my mother's hand tightly and yes, I was too afraid to cry.

It was horrifying.

Fast forward 4 years. I was a film addict, but strictly on the betamax (remember that device?). Then my mother came to me and said, "Let's go watch a movie, there's a funny movie." I was petrified. I let go my toy and screamed - Yes, it's true - I screamed. She had to literally force me out my room to watch a movie. I still laugh remembering the scene until now. Anyway, she apologized for not taking me to see a movie for a long time and somehow I surrendered myself because deep inside I wanted to see that so-called funny movie.

The film was Crocodile Dundee. And yes, it was quite funny for me. I remember laughing during the film and being touched when the protagonists finally said the three-words sentence. Well, I am not ashamed to say that it was Paul Hogan who reconciliated me with the movie theater.

Let's skip another dozen of years. Nowadays, I love going to movies. If I don't have any companion to go with, I would voluntarily go by myself. Because I love being in that dark room now, immersing myself into the surreal world right before my eyes. Of course I do choose the film I am about to see, I am quite selective for I hate being dissapointed by a bad movie. It's like making friend with someone who would stab you in the back.

Now that the Jiffest is in town once again, I can't wait to feel new cinematic experiences. Hope I could catch one of you guys there, just let me know...

Until then, don't worry for everything's gonna be all right... Cheers.




A week of quasi farniente, roaming around the city aimlessly, eating disorder as I tried to engulf anything except the traditional lebaran food, scribbling furiously my notepad, hanging around with my cherished friends, travelling within the pages of any book, brainwashing self with asian movies, drinking coffee by galons, sipping wine surrounded by jazzy tunes, discovering excellent restaurants, meeting some old friends, being narcistic, sleeping like a groundhog, lot of thinking about serendipity, passing paradoxal nights, enjoying the empty streets of Jakarta, realizing that I really miss her, watching television til my eyes get blurred, absolut amnesia of working, singing out of tunes, receiving thousands of sms and of course, resting my mind.

Highlights of my holiday.

It was refreshing indeed.


Holy day...

This is the last day of Ramadan.

I know that we are supposed to be - what's the exact word - cleansed. For thirty days, we were trying to approach the Guy upstairs, being charitable to the less fortunates, restraining ourselves from various temptation, cleaning our innerselves.

But do we have to stop now?

Ramadan is just the beginning... for all that matters, I wish I could stay in this state a bit longer.

Yet I'm only human...

So, as the tradition obliges, forgive me for mistakes I've done, ill-spoken words, despicable attitudes and anything that I might forget.

And I wish you all a splendid holiday...


Have you?

Have you ever longed
For that droplet of rain
to fall from the blazing sky
upon your thirsty lips?

Have you ever looked
for that last matchstick
lost somewhere inside your bag
when the crave is unsupportable?

Have you ever searched
your single pen buried
inside your bric-a-brac
when ideas are on your fingertips?

Have you ever wished
that your goddess miles away from you
were here right about now
when everything





Shorty 001

I am truly sorry for my previous angry post. It just came like that.
Now, I am curious to know your thoughts about this story I wrote last week. Feel free to criticize me, to clobber me with your opinions and to be honest with me and yourself. So without further ado...


The old man was sitting alone among the loud chatters that surrounded him in this cool afternoon. The patio was unusually full as the spring sun had finally showed its warm rays. He was observing the people who walked around him as he left his cup untouched. No one noticed him but the waiter who was staring at the man's drink that remained full for the last hour.

There was something odd about the old man.

He was in his late sixties with striking white hair that added his charisma. The wrinkles upon his face carved every single years of his life, especially around his lips that always showed kindness no matter how slightly he moved them. His most astonishing feature was his eyes; the incredibly blue eyes reflecting the sky above that would undoubtly pierce every soul they would look at. The broken white chandail he was wearing matched perfectly his pale skin tone.

The old man turned his head slowly as if he smelled something. He beamed at the sight of an another man who approached his table.

"Good afternoon, old fellow," says the newcomer. "Been waiting here for long?"

The newcomer was obviously younger but one could sense that he had lived through so many things during his life. The dark and formal suit he was wearing contrasted with the warm afternoon. His nonchalant attitude attracted members of opposite sex, but yet he didn't even give them a glance. His eyes were dark and focused, but at the same time, they radiated a certain heat as if the infernal fire resided within his pupils.

"Not that long, my friend... but you know that I never mind waiting, don't you?"

"Yes, I do realize that... patience is a virtue." The newcomer smirked. "And I hate virtues."

He stared at the old man for a while. A moment after, he broke into a laughter.

"You did cut your beard finally!", he said.

The old man caressed his chin tenderly. He recalled on how he was quite known for his gracious white beard.

"Yes, I did have them cut. I am kind of bored that people see me only that way."

"Well, my friend, it's your life after all." The newcomer stopped for a while. "Life has a different meaning on you, of course.", he said with a wicked grin.

The old man just smiled. He was busy observing a couple few tables for them. The newcomer followed his gaze and shook his head as he pulled out a cigarette from a black metal case.

"You do believe in that love crap, don't you?", he mocked as he lighted up his cigarette.

'Why shouldn't I? As a matter of fact, I exist because of it, don't I?

The newcomer just inhaled the smoke and smiled. "Then tell me why my business has been properous these past decades if what you say is true?"

"You're telling me that I couldn't exist?"

"I am telling you... you funded my business to make THEM believe that you exist... therefore, if I thought you didn't exist, I wouldn't be neither."

The old man just sipped his coffee quitely, never broke his gaze toward the couple.

"Those two you're looking now, let me tell you that the girl would cheat on him in three days."

The old man stared at them with a certain sympathy. He seemed having thoughts of doing something, but he renounced at the end. His companion was looking at him, interested.

"I know you were going to do something, weren't you?" He put his cigarette in the asthray.

"Yes... I admit I had the intention. But somehow I decided not to. They have their own life."

The newcomer was indeed very curious right now. "That isn't you at all. In fact I never see you like this before."

The old man just gave a long sigh.

"I don't know. I don't know if they needed me anymore."

He lifted his eyes towards the city, with the beautiful river crossing the area. "They seem to be doing allright. I don't know if I should interfere with their life."

The newcomer looked confused. All these times, this could be the second time he was caught by surprise.

"But if you decided to end your corporation, you wouldn't need me at all." He was simply amazed on how the meeting turned out. He didn't want to lose his company. He was in love with his work and he was the only one who could handle it properly. For years he was reigning and now the thought of losing what he love the most gave a new sensation within him. Could it be fear?

The old man stayed calm. He was certain of one thing. Those who were about to be abandoned would need another guidance.

"How about this situation," said the old man, "what if I gave you my position, starting effectively tomorrow."

The fire within the newcomer's eyes glared. Another surprise. Jamais deux sans trois, he thought silently.

"You will get full control of everything that I did until now, and you'll be free to do anything."

The newcomer was simply struck. He wasn't expecting any of this. But somehow he knew that he was the only perfect candidate. Who was he if not the person that knew every single aspect of the business. Wasn't he the one who once dug the darkest hole only to find the brightest light.

"What if I accept your offer? Would you interfere one day?" He wanted to make sure that he was free to do whatever he pleased.

"You will get a full freedom. I always keep my promise, don't I?

"But you know that I have a very different view, right?"

"Yes.. I am aware of that. But I trust you. Even though I was the one who pushed you out from my board once. It was for your own good. You were the first to fall, yet the first to rise as well."

The newcomer looked at the old man intensely. He knew that it was the only opportunity.

"I accept, then."

"Great... I will tell everyone tomorrow morning then. I expect you to be there too. Could you wear something a bit lighter for..."

"This is me and I will never change." The newcomer cut the sentence.

"Yes, indeed. I apologize. Now how about a game of chess before we go?"

The newcomer took out a small chessboard from his briefcase and put it on the table.

The old man looked at the pawns and took the black ones.

"I always wonder what would it feel to play with these..."

The sun was shining brightly.

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