see through me

A bit of my thoughts about life in general and things that keep it worth living...



Subject: Happy Birthday...


Hey mum, how are you? Look, I am really sorry I can't be there with you right now. Yeah, been quite busy these days, but somehow I can manage to have some relaxing vacations as well. But I would come to your place as soon as I could, ok?

Anyway, I wanted to say Happy Birthday to you.

I know, I know, you don't celebrate your birthday for ages, but hey, as a full-time son, it is my duty to congratulate you every year... Duty? I can see you frowning right now. No, it's not duty, of course; it's because I really want to...

I've been shopping in a mall yesterday, and I can't stop thinking on what present should I give to you. Yes, I know it's kinda hard for me to send it to where you live right now, but still, you know how am I these days, I like to shop.

I wanted to give you a book. Maybe a detective story, I know how you like mysteries and twisted endings. Or a collection of poems. Or a play. Or, I'll just buy you all of those. You're an avid reader, I know that.

Maybe a scarf. I always remember how you were fond of it. The way you wear it on your neck everytime you go to work. Chic? You bet you were. No, you always are. After all, you were the one who taught me how to dress myself.

Anyway, eventhough you are not near me right now, I feel that you are always with me. How could you be so far yet so close at the same time? It still remains a mystery to me, but well, that's a question I don't even attempt to answer. Why bother, right? The most important thing is that we both know that we think of each other.


You know, mum, I like who I become right now. I am not perfect, lot of flaws and things that certain people see as 'unorthodox'. But I live. I embrace life just the way you taught me to do. Because you made me realize whether you know it or not, that life is too beautiful to waste. You put so much love in me, and it gave me strength to carry on...

... even in hard times.

I know what you'd say, 'Life is full of up and downs, son...'

I know that. I am merely riding the waves. Go with the flow. Make the most of every situation.

I simply live to live.

Thanks to you.

Oh well. I have to go back to work right now, mum. Oh, by the way, it's going great. I have so much fun doing what I really like to do. I still remember your words when I announced that I wanted to study art and design, 'At least, an artist in the family.' I am still far from that, mum. But I am exhibiting something right now and it feels good. Pour l'amour de l'art.

Please hug dad for me, mum. I miss you both. But I know you're waiting in the next corner, in the next room.

Until then, I would always be thinking of you guys.

Happy birthday again, mum.

I love you so much,


PS: Oh, could you pass a message to the Landlord: 'thank you for everything...' He knows what I mean.


The Kong and I...

I fell in love with a very strange creature recently...

A 25 feet simian who goes by the name of Kong. Tore Kong. King Kong.

That's right, I saw the remake by Peter Jackson last weekend, and all I can say that the film rocks. Hard. Core.

Well, let's do this properly then. For all of you who saw the original one and loved it, you won't be dissappointed. It's a masterpiece in the making, although I do think that few more months in post-production would do the overall film justice, because there are some imperfections in some scenes, but hey, it's all good. It's all forgotten because you'll be so deep inside the film.

The cast was nearly perfect. Naomi Watts as the vulnerable Ann Darrow, yet she emanates a certain strength that she would show somewhere in the middle. Jack Black, as usual, a very obsessive man who would do anything to get what he wants. Adrien Brody, the tragic/comedic scriptwriter. And so on...

It was a very good film. But still I don't understand the Holiday on Ice scene.

And the film led to a very interesting discussion between a very good friend of mine and me.

With all the technology available right now, what old flick would you love to see the remake?

We're not talking about a remake of Casablanca, because the technology would not bring anything new to the whole picture. Nor Mutiny of the Bounty, Clockwork Orange. Not even 2001, because the rawness was the sheer beauty of the film.

We're talking about modern interference that would not... uh... interfere with the film.

So, we both decided to several films:

- The Clash of the Titans. I don't know if you guys remember this film, but with a plethora of mythological monster, this would be my first choice. The Medusa, The Gorgon, The Mechanical Owl, The Sirens. Name one greek mythological beast, this film had it.

- Wizard of Oz. Please do be kind to remake this one, with all the magical environment, the creatures. I would love to feel that I'm not in Kansas anymore. Make it a musical, make it crazy, swallow some LSD and smoke pots... and it'll be a winner.

- And for B-movies lover, why not toss in Attack of 50 feet Woman. Damn, it would be so cheesily grand.

- Last but not least, we also picked one local gem, Si Buta dari Gua Hantu. All the hallucinating fighting combos with magic and impossibly cool warriors. Man, please outsource this to someone in Hong Kong cinema industry and kick some serious ass.


Do you have any idea of what film they should remake? Remember the criterias.


Write a smile...

It's been years that I consider books as my bestfriends.

They cuddle me into a dreamy sleep every single night. They take me away into parallel worlds. They cheer me up when I'm down. They tell me stories about everything and nothing.

But then one day I realize something. It's actually not the books that give me their friendship.

It's the authors. The men and women who scribbled their pads furiously every day, using their imagination and craft to give a little something to the world.

Without them I wouldn't ever able to travel into many journeys. They are the ones who put the legendary wardrobe allowing me to enter their own little Narnias.

Pennac, Marquez, Cuehlo, Blyton, Rowling, Crichton, Grisham, Beaumont, Maurier, Maupassant, Zola, Christie, Lewis, Tolkien, Bouvier and the list would, of course, extend near ad infinitum.

They are my friends, whether they want it or not. I consider them as friends. I cherish them. Hell, I would be sad if one of them would be gone -don't count the already passed away-.

They color my life with words, with paragraphs, with chapters, with volumes...

It's kind of like they wrote to me only. Personally. Face to face. Mano a mano.

And that's why one of my cherised dream is to become one of them. To write a book, a story, anything. Doing it for my friends, my would-be friends and for you.

I want to cheer you when you're down. I want to keep you company in a rainy sunday afternoon. I want to be with you while you're waiting for your loved one in a crowded coffee shop.

I want to be your friend.

That's why I put some of my time to write. Something that I do hope would reach your hand. Something that you would be able to flip. A book. Unfortunately, not anytime soon. But I would try as hard as I could.

Writing is a way to immortalize self, I read it somewhere.

But much more than that, I want to be a part of your life. Even forgotten somewhere in your bookshelf.

The knowledge that you'll pick me up from a store, even for a slight moment, would put a smile on me.

As I do right now, while you're reading this...



Why everything that's supposed to be bad make me feel so good.
Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would...
(Kanye West, Addiction, Late Registration, Universal Music)

That's exactly what I do.

We always have a certain penchant to fall into the crevice of addiction. And I'm talking about bad addiction. Smoke, girls, money, power, food...

What's an addiction?

It's something that you know would not give you any benefit in your life, but yet you do it even with a conscience that tells you to stop. It's the thing that lurks behind your every single decision for choosing your path in life. How could something so wrong taste so sweet?

I have mine. And I'm not trying to stop neither. I'll just have to decrease the frequency.

Some would say that it would only take more will to do anything you want. Not succeeding to stop your addiction is a sign that you're being weak.

So be it. I am weak in one thing, I might be strong in another. I am not perfect. I am not a dog spelled backward.

So, what's your addiction?

Is it girls, you want to collect them in your black book portfolio?

Is it money, the way you live and breath by the green color in your hands?

Is it sex, satisfying your carnal desires, every single day?

What's your addiction?
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