Voyeur? Moi...?

I am a voyeur.

I am the guy you'll see sitting in a crowded coffee shop, reading a book and nonchalantly staring at people. I am the guy you'll surprise when you feel a gaze tickling your neck. And most of all, I am the guy who would mentally take note of every single thing you do...

Scary isn't it?

But don't worry, I am not that stalker who would follow you all day. My reason is pretty simple actually. I am just curious about what you're thinking.

When I see a man sitting in a bench smoking his cigarette with a half-opened book beside him, I wonder what could be in his mind; is he waiting for his loved one, is he just killing some time, running away from the infernal daily routine... and that amazingly lures me into staring at him.

When I see a family gathering together, dining in some fancy place, I always wonder about their thoughts. The son who would rather be somewhere else, the daughter who furiously types an sms now and then, the mother who tries to be the mediator and the serene father who thinks about his next business meeting... there are thousands possibilities that reside in that very table.

Sometimes I just want to ask them personally what's inside their mind at that very moment. I am THAT curious. But I never dare doing that, because I still respect privacy. However, I do write scenarios in my head, I create stories about those people, and in a way, that satisfies my thirst...

So, next time when you see a tall skinny dark man staring at you in a coffee shop, try to greet him... it could be me wondering about your thoughts...

And until then, check out this, where a man had make that step into asking people what they're thinking... very cool.

Expectation...

Ok, you wake up in the morning, you make plan for the day: come to the office at 9, lunch at 12, work until 5, and chat around until 6 or 7, then go home and watch tv until 10. That is how you plan your day. Now, this is the result: overslept until 10, come to the office at 11, skip lunch because of the tight deadline, new job for tomorrow morning, so you work your ass off until the sun rises.

Yeah, life could give you surprises like that...

It's hard to make plan in your life, because of the little crossroads here and there. The thing is, more than often you'll be directed to the turn that you'll never expect. The one that you're quasi sure that you'll never take. The one you try to avoid.

Then somehow the Guy Upstairs redirect you...

The journey is long, so you try to expect those things to happen somehow, but then again don't expect much, because the surprise would be more beautiful when less expected.

And then you'll learn that the cliched "never say never" is true.

If God is a DJ, just follow the beats and dance your life away...

dedicated to two people who learned that lesson the sweet way

Soundtrack...

I was around 4 or 5 years old. It was around 8 pm, and as usual, my mom tucked me in bed and gave me a good night kiss. Then she would turn on the little transistor radio, and scanned the frequency until she found a classical radio channel. I would then sleep peacefully, lulled by some unknown symphony.

It was how I got the love for music.

Music is an important part of my life. I've been through so many changing periods of trends, often influenced by my loved ones. Surprisingly, I never listened to "kiddie music", because my parents never played that in my house. Instead, I listened to their music, such as YES, Chicago and Beatles. And I liked them a lot. Then my uncles introduced me to rock musics, like Van Halen, Dire Straits, Santana, Hendrix, Led Zep, Eagles and many more. I could never get enough of screaming guitars and high-pitched voices... I was a rock and roll kid.

As the trend evolved, my taste started to vary as well. My aunts gave me jazz and pop, from Al Jarreau to Eurythmic. I have to admit I did have some weakness to simplet pop songs and cheesy 80's beats... Confession, I liked Tommy Page, Rick Astley and hey, why not, toss in Milli Vanilli.

Then I moved to Switzerland. To my surprise, I discovered so many genres that I didn't even know before. New age, Europop, french ballad and millions other things. I was dancing to the tune of Public Enemy, having a Pastis with Serge Gainsbourg in the background, screaming my lungs out with Noir Desir, hallucinating within the eery beats of Eurotrance, flying above the clouds with Marley, relaxing with Sinatra...

I was such a whore for music genres, I absorbed them all.

After that I realized that I need them to create some kind of soundtrack in my life. My reason of liking all those types is to build a picturesque soundscape to support the colors of my mood.

When I'm red raging mad, I play some distorted rock music in my head.

When I'm green with envy, some soft and soothing beats drummed in my mind.

When I've got the blue, somehow, it's always some accoustical ballads that come out in me.

Automatically.

And I've become a musical junkie. I don't think I could live without a single melody. And with so many genres available right now, I know that my soundtrack would be vividly polychromatic.

Now I would try to take a nap lulled by the dreamy voice of Lisa Ekdahl *providing my boss doesn't notice me, that is*.

Until then, put a different vinyl in your turntable and sing out of tune...

Journey...

I always see my life as a journey. A trip toward something unknown, but at the same time, certain. I know that I would die someday; I don't know when, I don't know how... but that is something I take for granted. But the condition in which I would be when I'll finally arrive to that final destination, I can't say anything about that. For I am not a clairvoyant.

I can't say that I don't want to know about my ending, for the very basic instinct of humanity is self-preservation, feeling secure, hence, knowing where the future will lead us is always THE question in everyone's mind. I spent hours and hours pondering about that, but still, in the end, you will find that there would be nothing you could do to be certain.

And it's good to be uncertain.

For me, the importance is to enjoy the ride. Make your life as delightful as possible, feeling every single thorn and rock beneath my feet, feeling every single breeze upon my face... accepting everything that He might give me.

A good friend of mine always reads a book from its ending. I was quite surprised when she did that in a book store, because for me, the whole point of reading a book is the anticipation to the unbeknownst ending. She just looked at me and said... "I don't care about the ending, I just want to enjoy the journey."

At that moment I realized that indeed, it didn't differ to my so-called credo in life. I am the big believer of "live to live". It's when you live for the sake of living. It's when you don't really need to know the end of your journey, for the end is quite clear.

You'll die.

But as I always say, when the inevitable finally comes, give me a good seat so I could have a clear gaze and say "you are the only thing I didn't see in my life".

So that's why people say that I don't really think about the future, because I am enjoying the present moment. Every single breath I take is a sign that I am, indeed, still ticking to go further.

I promised myself one day that I would not regret my life.

And until this very moment, I savour every single second... as I keep on walking... with unsteady feet on the ground.

Maybe some of you have noticed that the shoutbox is no longer present in my blog. I just took it away, because I feel it is quite redundant having a shoutbox and a comment system... I don't know. Visually speaking, I prefer it this way, a bit simpler and cleaner.

Happy New Year...

Happy New Year?

Somehow I am a bit disturbed with that word... "happy"...

Thousands are having their life literally wrecked. And here I am saying "happy"? I don't want to be a hypocrite though, I did have some good times in Bali for the holidays... but still, there is something deep beneath me that bothers my conscience, like a piece of meal that got stuck in your throat...

What did we do wrong this time? What did we do that made the Earth angry?

A lot of things...

Things that reflected our egocentric behaviour, our constant hedonism, our progressing materialism and those are just the tip of the iceberg.

I always say that He got a strange sense of humour. Maybe that's His way of saying... "hey, you guys are gone too far..."

Nevertheless... despite all that, I see something...

It's called solidarity. It's called humanity. When I see those volunteers searching beneath the ruins, those man who were busy organizing helps... those things that became a rarity in our society suddenly appeared magically...

And for that reason only I feel like I could finally say "Happy New Year"... because somehow, I see hope in humanity once again...

I just wish that we don't need another disaster to make it shine...

Let's just start this year holding that torch a bit firmly... for when you ain't got hope, you ain't got anything.

Then life wouldn't worth being lived.