see through me

A bit of my thoughts about life in general and things that keep it worth living...



Ideally, I would wake up early before dawn today. After yawning and stretching a bit, I would sneak out, walk quitely to the kitchen. I would turn on the light, turn on the stove and prepare the breakfast. While waiting the water to boil, I would go back to my room and take the flowers from behind the table. I would curse because they forget to take out the jasmines, so I would spend few minutes to sort the bouquet.

Then I would choose between Nescafe and Tubruk, but I knew you love your coffee smooth in the morning. So I would make you a plain one (2 teaspoon of Nescafe and 1 1/2 of sugar). I would then write things on a freshly printed card, thinking of analogies and metaphores, but finally settled with simple words. The toast were already done, and I would take some jams and butter from the fridge. I would decorate the tray with flowers and of course, the card I'd just wrote.

I would open your door and sneak in the room, I would put the tray on your night table, then wait for the first ray to shine. When I would see you stir, I would wake you up gently and kiss your forehead.

Ideally, that is when I would say "Happy Birthday..."

But life ain't always ideal...


Fading out....

So, after weeks of overtimes, working my ass off, this is my last day in the office. I'll be off for a year*. yippee kay yay...

First, I would like to wish a merry christmas to whoever celebrate this holy day... and yes, you could invite me anytime for a good ol' christmas dinner.

Second, I really appreciate you guys for every single critique, comment and most of all, letting me being your friend.

Because friendship is one of the most important facet in my life.

Now, I will prepare my vacation and shout... "Lager, lager, lager, lager!!"... out loud.

Don't worry though, I'm still updating my blog until the 29th... hopefully.

Until then, shut down your computer and catch the spirit of christmas...

*I'll be back in january 3rd, so that counts as year, right?


Shorty 003


She looked at the tiny thing she was holding. It was moving, it was breathing, it stared back at her, it giggled silently.

She always wondered how God could practically cut half of her soul and put it within this small body. She smiled and muttered,

"Son... I know you can't understand me right now, but believe me that you are the one who brought life to me. I want you to be the one who I would cherish all my life. Just forget everything you may do wrong, every mistakes you'll make, every misdirections you'll take, because I would forget them all, I would erase them all. I couldn't give you the perfect world. I couldn't give you the universe... but believe me, I would always be there for you..."

The baby was looking at the bright blue sky. She followed his gaze.

"Yes, under the blue sky, I would hold your hands. Under the grey night, I would hold you tight. I would chase the monsters under your bed, and when you'll grow up, I would chase them from deep inside your mind. Open your eyes, son... for there are so many things to see in this world. But always remember to begin by looking at yourself. Because there is nothing more beautiful than you..."

She lifted him and laughed.

"You'll see that everything is easier when you laugh. But don't forget to cry, because sadness could only be released within the tears. Don't be afraid to be sensitive, don't be afraid to be humble... because eventually you'll see that you are only a small part of this grandiose cosmic joke... and then you'll learn how to laugh freely..."

He was yawning softly, his eyes were closing.

"Sleep tight, son... for tomorrow will come undoubtly, and you will face a new chapter of your life every single day. Write your story, dear, and read them aloud, because that's how you'll mark your life in this world. Don't be shy, son... for you are the greatest of them all..."

He fell asleep in her arms, breathing slowly, with a tiny smile upon his tiny face.

"Son, thank you for changing my life..."

I know I was born because of pure love... and for that I thank her; for loving me always... Mom, if they don't celebrate Mother's Day up there, at least you know that I'm sending you this...


Mass Transportation...

Hmmm, a quite busy week... another one like this I'll be dead.

Now, the theme du jour is transportation.

I am one of those few who don't drive in Jakarta. One main reason, I don't have a car nor a motorcycle not even a bycycle. Sad but true. I am not complaining, though, since my condition allows me to be creative. For example, I'm at my office and I have a rendez-vous at Plaza Senayan in 30 minutes and it's 6 PM, so traffic would be awful and even if I had a car, I wouldn't be able to make it in time. Pop quiz, hot shot... what would you do?

Simple. Take an ojek to a Transjakarta shelter and take the so-called Busway to Ratu Plaza and walk through the mall. 20 minutes. Tops.

You have to go to Pondok Indah from Pancoran at 8 PM and you promise to be there in an hour. Take a bus to Blok M and then take the Metro Mini from there. 45 minutes.

Of course there are many variables in the equations and sometimes you are faced to some obstacles like the rain, unexpected traffic jam and many others things that'll make you wish you had that Kamehameha thing from Dragon Ball and blow away anything in front of you. Or a knife to slice your own wrist. Depends on your hardcoreness.

But I kinda like taking those public transportations. It allows me to see something different from my usual daily boring life. Just call it another perspective. It's quite refreshing somehow. It put you back on the ground, it shows you the real Jakarta and yes, sometimes you could buy some cheap strange things like for example ginger candies, funky pens *with lights s'il vous plait* and gazillions extraterrestrial devices.

Here are my favourite means of transportation.

Ojek: A wild ride on motorcycle between the traffic jam in Jakarta while you pray silently as the chauffeur zigzags avoiding anything, including that big ass dump truck, that BMW and that nasi goreng vendor. Fastest way to go anywhere but definitely the most dangerous as well. Make sure you don't mention it when you're filling that insurance policy.

Kopaja, Metro Mini and other medium sized buses: you'll be surprised on how precise the driver maneuver his vehicle. You'll think a thing that big couldn't go fast. Wrong. It is surprisingly fast *sometimes you wonder if the brake works* and yeah, Makkinen could learn a thing or two on driving fast and uhmmm... carelessly?

Busway: A quite comfortable and cheap transport. It's clean, it doesn't pass through any traffic jam as it has its own lane, but there aren't many of them. Thus, you'll be crushed like sardines in busy hours and I think they should put a panel that says "Deodorant Required". Good thing I am quite tall. But that little lady? She had to stop breathing for about a few stops until the man next to her exits the bus. And a purple-face lady is not that funny in real life.

Taxis: I only take it when everything above aren't operational. Like after midnight or sometimes when I have a very important rendezvous where I don't want to appear messy. It's expensive, but the good thing is that you could talk during the trip with the driver. Usually they are talkative and I just love to hear their stories, especially some X rated stories, because they do pick uhmmm... shady ladies.

I guess it's my list from now... maybe you could tell me which public transportation that you like.

Well, I see you around then... until then, go tell someone that you love him/her...



Giant wheel...

For the last few weeks, I was doing this job of promoting an upcoming singer, which is quite a new experience for me because I never did something like this before. It was quite cool actually since I kinda learned few new tricks. The downside is because the job is not really official, I had to manage my already crowded schedule to fit in this one. So the last resort is... reducing my sleeping time, hence my sore eyes and constant coughs... but it'll pass... hopefully.

So last night I participated in the music video shoot session which started at 8 PM and ended this morning at 6.30 AM. Uhuh, red eyes and groggy hands as I tried to do some layouting this afternoon, but the coffee(s) helped a lot. The venue was an almost abandoned theme park in the middle of the city (Taman Ria Senayan) and for the sake of the concept, we turned on few rides. As I was sitting in a chair, drinking my red Fanta and smoking my trademarked cig, all of the sudden the Giant Wheel started to turn. It was quite eerie actually. It was 1 AM grossomodo and the thing was turning with all the light on just above me, sans music however. I was pratically hallucinated by the view. Then a thought just occured suddenly.

It's been quite a while since my last ride in the Giant Wheel.

When I was a kid, I always loved that ride. You feel like you are the king of the world (cf. Titanic, min. 124) above anyone else, the mere mortal. As you enjoy the grandiose view, you realize that you're going down, slowly, putting you back in the ground and then you will go up again. Then you'll be ecstatic again. Then down again. Then up. Then down.

Just like your life.

I read somewhere that life is a freakin' Giant Wheel. Whatever color of your cabin, whatever your choice of seat, you'll always faced into that up and down situation. Whenever you're on top, you know that inevitably you will go down to the bottom again. The vicious circle would go on and on and on... It's just the way life is...

So what I do in that kind of situation?

Get in touch with my inner child and enjoy the ride...

Update: I am kinda curious on how you see your life... if you could compare your life to a theme park ride, what would it be and why... if you could put your view in the comment box below, that would be sweet... Cheers.


Some numbers...

3 simultaneous accounts clobbering me

4 days in a row going home at 2.

Countless cigarette butts in my ashtray.

Gazillion ideas streaming in my mind, yet I could only choose a few.

Dozens cups of coffee, galons of water.

A stack of empty cans of beer, courtesy from my boss.

A plastic bag full of candies from a very talented friend.

Nearly a hundred working hours in just a few days *caressed by Lisa Ekdahl's divine voice*.

Endless layout corrections.

And that's just the beginning...

Now me going home and will be dreaming about a goddess... Cheers.



I love my job.

I really do... The thrill of letting my personality split into different facets, the delectable pleasure of having a sudden illumination, the constant need of squeezing my brain, the long walk inside my imagination, the cheerful arguments with partners in crime and finally, the satisfying feeling of accomplishing a herculean task when everything is done.

That's why I could never think of doing anything else in my life.

Call it foolish, call it stupid, call it close-minded... I call it passion.

The passion is fueling my will to go on... despite the wrecking working hours, the pressure from every directions... they're like the fog in the morning; it spoils your senses, but it's part of the beauty. Part of the process... the process of living.

Because I think my job allows me to widen my horizons, to push my own limits. I always have something new to learn every day.

And that puts a new perspective to the phrase "brand new day".

I don't really care about the paycheck, the recognitions, the fame or anything. I just want to be able to create something. I want to be able to put smile on people face when they see my works. I want them to slap their head and say "Hotdammit!". I want them to look at my works more than 5 seconds. I want... too many things.

Hence, the learning process.

I am a baby who's learning to walk.

Hopefully I would run soon.

And travel to the horizons... while not forgetting to smell the flowers.

Passion...? Yes, indeed.



Some interesting tests...

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.


You're Alaska!

You're big, bulky, and extremely wild. At the same time, you're rather cold and standoffish, even a loner of sorts. Taming you may be one of the last great quests of the people who do manage to find you or even seek you out. So many of them just want to plunder you for what you have of value, but there are a few, the ones who will stick with you, that truly value your rugged remoteness. As long as no one is spilling stuff on you, you are truly beautiful.

Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Well... Am I like that? Let me know...


Regarding Jiffest...

I was sitting alone... wait... naah, I'm just kidding... *this one is for you, SanityInc...*


I saw two great films today at Graha Bakti Budaya. Jiffest is in town, I love it. So, I thought I'd give my two cents on them.

This is a view from an amateur viewer, so no need bashing me with technicalities or saying that my analysts aren't that deep... here we go.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

Jim Carrey in an unusual role. Playing a dramatic character, without the slapsticks and a lot of expression works. He pulled it off better than the time when he played a comedian in "The Man in the Moon" or that actor in "The Majestic". In this movie, he's naturally tragical. I don't know, maybe he is becoming comfortable of detaching himself from his "funny" image. I'll give him a cookie for being able to perform as a very confused and frustated man who wants to surgically erase his memories of a loved one.

Yes, you read it well; erase his memories. So, this Joel guy is in love with a woman, played beautifully by Kate Winslet (we'll get to her soon) and one day, he realized that she doesn't recognize him, as if he never existed in her life at all. Then a friend tells him that she had her memories of him removed. Angry, he also wants to do the same thing. So the film is basically telling the process of the removal.

The cinematography is excellent, I love the editing works. There are some creative cut scenes, some outstanding light works and I dig the european feel of the movie. The music score is almost flawless, except for some parts where I don't think it is necessary to put any. Excellent scenario, the dialogues flow naturally, without any pressure. But the thing about JC, he has this thing to exaggerate his expressions sometimes, I guess old habits die hard. Excellent casts as well, Kate Winslet plays a rather moody and strange girl, not unlike the one in "Iris" (thanks, Emil); Kirsten Durnst, as beautiful as ever, but still a bit shallow, although she managed to pull her role quite well; a full-size and almost unrecognisable Elijah Wood who played a character you'll love to hate, but we understand his motives. The rest of them are, well... ok.

The thing I like about this movie is how it gives me some thoughts to ponder and how it passes its message quite well... We all have that will to erase painful memories, but in the end, is it worth it?

Bridal Shower

One thing about this movie. Funny as hell. When I step quitely into the theater for I was a bit late, the crowd was laughing out loud. Then I understand why. The movie tells a story about three girls working in an advertising agency who each has their own unique and grotesque problem in their lovelife. A bit "Sex in the City" Filipino style. Sometimes you think that... "huh? Could that happen?".. but then you realize... "hey.. that happened in my (or someone else's) life!" The situation could be a bit lufoque, but yes shit does happen, and yes, those things could happen to anyone.

Unpredictable, that could define the movie as well. Primo, for its creative editing and popups (you'll see them). Secundo, for its unexpected humor now and then. Sometimes it gets corny, but hey, you'll laugh as well, because who could resist not to laugh facing a scene where a man was showing a snake tattoo on his chest descending to his private area, and the girl shouts "Ouh, Cobra!" The man just smirked and said "No, Anaconda"

Yup, the movie is quite sexual. I mean many skin's scenes and steamy situations. I guess Filipinos are okay with that kind of imageries. One of the girls are... excuse me... fucking beautiful and sexy as hell. I guess they were right about those filipino women... Anyway, back to the film. the dialogues are well treated, very natural, very "everyday conversation" and the casts were able to play almost without flaw. They stay in the character, but yes, sometimes they do a bit too much, but hey... it's all forgiven when you watch the ending... holy shit, I was laughing my ass off... believe me.

There are almost no points to ponder in this movie. It's an excellent entertaining movie that you should watch with a bunch of friends.

I hope I would be able to catch some more movies. Until then, live your life in a polychromatic palette.


Shorty 002

She was sitting alone in the porch, a hot coffee in her hand and a book in the other. The rain was pouring hard, knocking the roof making a hypnotic beat that filled her mind with millions of thoughts.

Her eyes were weary and sore. But the light within her pupils was brilliant enough to brighten the dim atmosphere. A weak smile was hanging upon her face as she looked up to the sky. Her soft lips muttered noiseless words, maybe a pray for the sun to clear up the grey sky. She was smiling at the world. No matter how grim it was.

She sipped her drink quitely, slowly, tasting every single drop. She looked inside her cup, hoping that the dark coffee will give her a bright state of mind. A tear was crawling down her left cheek. A tear filled by her painful memories. Her past. Her present. Her future...

A chill breeze tenderly caressed her, as if the earth was telling her that everything would be fine. She smiled softly at the thought. She always loved the nature. More than she loved herself. More than she loved God.

She cried. Alone. In pain. Hurt. Solitude was not her friend of choice.

Suddenly her mobile beeped, putting her back into the reality. Someone sent her a message. She dialled the mobile with her skinny finger. It was him. And it was short.

happy 18th birthday, hun. be strong. don't forget your pills

Her eyes became illuminated with joy, a radiant smile was emanating from her tired face.

She was not alone after all.

It was still pouring outside, but she knew deep inside, that life needed rain to make a rainbow. A rainbow of hope.

She closed her eyes.

A story dedicated to women and girls with HIV who struggle for hope and friendship every single day, please be strong...
eXTReMe Tracker